This memorial web site was created in loving memory of our precious baby boy Brandon. Brandon came into this world on December 29, 2001 at 8lbs. 2 oz.& 20 1/2 in. long. He was a beautiful baby, with the biggest blue eyes I ever saw, and dark brownish, black hair. We fell in love with him from the start. 




At birth, Brandon seemed like your ordinary healthy baby. When he was just a few days from being 2wks. old, we noticed that he seemed to be congested a lot. His doctor told his father and I that it was newborn allergies, and that he would be fine. He only seemed to get worse. He started turning blue at different times, especially when he cried. Anytime he would drink a bottle, its contents would come spewing out of his mouth like a faucet. Within just a couple of weeks, he had lost a lot of weight. We finally decided to take Brandon to an out of town doctor(in a bigger city) Without any kind of test or simple examination, she diagnosed him with Tracheomalacia. This is where the airway closes when it should open. She told us most babies out grow it by 3mths. of age. This wasn't so with Brandon. At 4 mths. of age, he was flown to Children's Medical Center in Dallas, Tx. A tracheostomy was performed. This is where a tube, called a trach is inserted into the airway. What a change! The improvement was shocking! The number one downside of it was that we could no longer hear Brandon. We couldn't hear him cry, squeal, or make the littlest of baby noises.
After several weeks in the hospital, we were sent to a children's rehab/ training center. 



We were there only a couple of weeks, when we were told that a feeding tube would be best for Brandon. At the time, he was eating some baby food, and was getting his milk through a temporary feeding tube in his nose, but the doctors felt that he would need a long term feeding tube. So he was taken back to the hospital, and had his feeding tube(g-tube) inserted. Back at the training center we went through more strenuous training. Both for trach and tube. We learned both physical and speech therapy, CPR, and emergency training. We learned how to draw up and give all his meds. We also learned how to feed him through his tube, both by the pump and using a syringe. We were trained how to change his trach and his tube. We learned the names of endless medical machines and equipment and how to operate them. We also learned how to pack his medical bag(which would go everywhere he went) So finally, the big day came! June 14. We were going home. We lived about 6-7 hrs. from Dallas, in a little town. So it was scary to be going home where there was no knowledge whatsoever about conditions such as Brandon's. 



He had nurses during the day, and at night it was just his dad and I. He was doing so good. He had progressed so much in just a short time. On July 21, 2002 (just shortly after a month of being home) at 5am. we were wakend by the sound of his alarms going off. My husband went to check on him. 99% of the time, when his alarms went off, it was because his trach needed suctioned out. Which wasn't nothing to be scared about. This time however was something totally different. Hearing my husband start yelling my name, I ran into the room.I started screaming when I saw Brandon lying in bed, ghostly white, and unmoving. His monitor read oxygen-10, and heart rate-0. As I watched, his oxygen dropped to zero also. My husband had already started CPR, but was crying and saying repeatedly "we're losing him Vanessa, we're losing our baby" and at one point stopped and laid his head on our little boy's chest. I told him "don't stop! Keep trying" I then called 911. They came and took him to the local hospital, where we were told that there was no hope. The staff even mentioned stopping what they were currently doing for him. We told them no. Brandon was flown to Cooks Children's Medical Center in FT.Worth, Tx. where he was in a coma for three days. Even though he came out of it, we knew that Brandon was a different baby. He couldn't move anything but his head, and he had a blank look in his eyes. He was able to come home after three wks. in the hospital. And though I can say the life came back in his eyes, nothing changed physically. About a month later, he was flown back, and put on a ventilator. One of our worse fears had come true. Brandon couldn't breathe on his own. Once again we went through training, and we came back home after 2mths.



 


Brandon was doing very good. Two mths. later he turned the big ONE! Month after month went by, without any hospital stays. His doctor was even talking of removing the trach, if we could just get Brandon off the ventilator.
Then in November 03, Brandon became sick and unresponsive. So he was flown back to Ft.Worth. and was there for about two wks. We came home the day before Thanksgiving. As if that weren't enough to be happy about, I found out I was expecting another baby. We were beyond happy. I remember telling Brandon he was going to be a big brother. Little did we know that he would be a big brother watching from Heaven. Not even 2wks. from that day, on December 7, in the middle of the night Brandon's alarm woke me. Like a million times before, I calmly got up to check on him. I suctioned his trach, gave him a little oxygen, and was relieved to see his oxygen level come back up. I also noticed right away that he was very hot.I checked his temp. which happend to be 102. I uncovered him, washed him off and gave him some tylenol. This had happened numerous times before. And though I was cautious I wasn't scared out of my wits. I decided to lay back down for about 30 min. and then re-check his temp. When I re-checked his temp it was about the same, only this time Brandon had started jerking. He held his body stiff, and he had that blank look that I had once seen before. I loaded him up and took him to the E.R. They checked his temp, which read 107. I seriously thought their thermometer was messed up so they used a different one. Same reading. My mind was blown away! I couldn't believe it. A call was made to Ft.Worth for air transfer. It was going to be a couple of hours before they could get there. The last time I ever saw the big blue eyes that had taken my breath away the first time I saw them, was there in our ER, as he laid there waiting, with that emptiness in them.



When we arrived in Ft.Worth, he had slipped into a coma. Day after day passed, as we waited and hoped that he would wake up. We knew he was slipping farther away with each day. His organs started shutting down. He had to have several blood transfusions. The doctors were calling it Septic Shock. A infection in the blood, which causes your brain to go on "vacation" and never come back. Finally,on December 11, four days after his arrival the doctors held a conference. We were told that it was time to make a decision. If we decided to keep him on the ventilator, he would never leave the hospital. We asked for a certain amount of time to decide. Afterwards, I went straight to Brandon's bedside. The tears came like waterfalls, as I looked at the little boy that had brought so much love and joy to our family. As I took in all the machines and needles, the monitors and all of the meds. that it was taking just to keep him alive, I knew deep down inside that there would be no waiting to decide. He had suffered long enough and as my husband and I made up our minds, we knew it was time to let him go. With the tears falling like rain, I did the hardest thing a parent can do. I gave the ok to take my child's only way of living away. As we held him while they took his ventilator off, I'll never forget that one moment of panic. I wanted to shout "No! Please put it back on!" But somehow God gave me the courage to let Brandon go. At the time I wasn't imagining life without Brandon. I was imagining Brandon in Heaven with Jesus, living a new life. No more hospitals, needles, machines. No more pain and no more tears.

Brandon was such a beautiful child. On the outside and more so on the inside. He always had a smile on his face. He taught me to smile even when times were rough. Brandon never could walk or talk. After his cardiac arrest in July 03, he never returned to normal. But he spoke with his eyes and his smile. And in those two, you could see his heart. He taught us patience, courage, and most of all, he drew us closer as a family, and he taught us that life is to short to fill it with anything but love.


It seems so long ago, yet it seems like only yesterday. When he left this life, he took part of me with him. My arms will always long to hold him, and my eyes will always long to see those big blue eyes that stole my heart. I couldn't have asked for a more precious, more sweeter, more beautiful, or more anything child. Brandon was it. He was everything. In so many ways he was very sick, but yet in so many ways he was perfect. In just a short period of time, so many people were touched and blessed by him and the life that he lived, and I truly believe that though he's in Heaven, the life that he lived will continue to touch many lives. 


I was told by a friend that Brandon was truly an angel and that God only loaned him out for reasons we don't know, and God couldn't put someone who meant so much into just anybodies hands. Therefore it takes a special set a parents to love and to take care of one so perfect and so special. I thank God everyday that He chose my husband and I to be his parents. What a blessing it was.
 
On July 7, 04 God blessed us with another beautiful baby boy. With the same big blue eyes as his big brother. We see Brandon in him more everyday. Logan has helped us heal in so many ways. Logan is his own person, and in no way do I look at it as trying to replace Brandon.



 Logan is truly another blessing from God, and I know that Brandon would have loved his little brother very much. I also know that he's watching from above, and is smiling down on us. Brandon's memory will always live on in our minds, our souls, and in our hearts.



On February 9, 2007 God blessed us with another little boy.
Andrew Blake looks so much like his big brother Brandon that it makes you smile and want to cry at the same time. Andrew is the sweetest lil boy ever, and unfortunately he has some of the same problems that Brandon had. As of today (Sept. 3, 2007) we are here at cook children's hospital. We have been here going on four months. Andrew has a trach, feeding tube and ventilator.  It's hard to understand why God chose this path for us all over again. At times it's so frustrating and the pain is so severe that it's unbearable. This isn't a hereditary medical condition, so why are we going through it again? Only God knows the answer to that. We just keep our trust and faith in the Lord and always remember that He is in control and has a reason and a purpose for all that He does.
Andrew is such a sweet child, and truly another great blessing from God. He brightens up our days, along with his big brother Logan. The Lord gave my husband and I the three most precious boys that any parents could ever ask for. Each one has brought so much happiness and love to our family. We'll just keep trusting in God, for he knows whats best, and despite what comes our way, we'll keep holding on to Jesus.


"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow,
nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for
the former things are passed away."


"Suffer little children, and forbid them not,
to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom
of heaven."

"Whosoever therefore shall humble himself
as this little child, the same is the greatest
in the kingdom of heaven."

"Be not forgetful to entertain
strangers: for thereby some have
entertained angels unawares."




Thought I'd seen everything,
There was to see in this world,
Now I'm not so sure,
I've really seen anything at all.
I thought life could show me no surprises,
And then you came, and showed me I was wrong.

I have seen the bluest skies,
Rainbows that would make you cry.
I have seen miracles that moved my soul,
Days that changed my life.
I have seen the brightest stars,
Shine like diamonds in the dark,
Seen all the wonders of the world,
But I've never seen a smile,
As beautiful as yours.

Oh, I thought I'd been everywhere,
I'd climbed a mountain so high,
Sailed the sea, crossed the sky,
And still I was nowhere at all.
Until that day, oh, you came to my senses,
And your smile it made sense out of it all.

I have seen the bluest skies,
Rainbows that would make you cry.
I have seen miracles that moved my soul,
Days that changed my life.
I have seen the brightest stars,
Shine like diamonds in the dark.
Seen all the wonders of the world,
But I've never seen a smile,
As beautiful as yours.

A smile so beautiful, so beautiful,
Comes one time in a lifetime.
A smile this beautiful,
I'd never dreamed I'd ever see...



I will be walking one day,
Down a street far away,
And see a face in a crowd and smile.
Knowing how you made me laugh,
Hearing sweet echo's of you from the past,
I will remember you.

Look in my eyes while you near,
Tell me what's happening here,
See that I don't want to say good-bye.
Our love is frozen in time,
I'll be your champion and you will be mine.
I will remember ,
I will remember you.

Later on, when this fire is an ember,
Later on, when the nights not so tender,
Given time, though it's hard to remember,
I will be holding,
I'll still be holding to you,
I will remember you.

So many years come and gone,
And yet the memory is strong,
One word we never could learn,
Good-bye,
True love is frozen in time,
I'll be your champion and you will be mine,
I will remember you,
So please remember,
I will remember you....

February 28, 2008

I'm really sorry that I haven't been in touch with all who visit Brandon's site. I think of you all and your precious loved ones often though. I hope you are all well and doing good. Noway have I forgotten about all of you. I have so much going on, sometimes I feel as if I'm suffacating. We have been in Fort Worth with our 1 yr. old baby boy. going on 10 months now. It is almost impossible to email and make phone calls because we stay so busy. He has a trach, a ventilator, and a feeding tube. He has some neurologic problems going on, but the doctors are still running tests and wating on results. We are hoping to be going home soon. I check Brandon's site whenever I get a chance, however its not as often as I would like. Your candles really mean alot to me. Please keep lighting them, both in memory of Brandon, and to give us comfort and strength in a time when we definitly need it. I hope to have some pictures of Andrew up soon. He is such a cutie! Again, please know that you are all thought of.
Much love, Vanessa